and where is your mind today? honesty and love are all i got

the great irony, the pain, the privilege, the beauty of being able to travel the globe is that intense feeling in the pit of your stomach. the tiny pebbles from tierra across the world, swallowed willingly, lovingly, they begin to weigh heavily. late in the night, deep in the jungle, they whisper things like 'why are you not with your family? (but the whole earth is your family).' and, 'you love everyone so much that its almost as if you love no one at all.' being here in this space means not being there and how could it not be painful at times. such is life i suppose, making choices of our space and time and accepting their implications. so i am not physically with you, but feel the love i have for you breaking the distance into meaninglessness.

something i have really been enjoying are all the awkward situations gets in while learning a new language. take the other day for example, i had just met some bird guides in town and as i was saying goodbye i said, 'necesitamos hablar luego sobre avas'. what i was trying to say was, 'we need to chat more later about birds (aves)' but instead of saying birds i said grapes. good one laura, real suave. hey lets talk sometime about grapes! he responded by laughing and asking me if i was still hungry. jajajajaaa.

this past weekend i went to the coast to a town called esmeraldas to visit my friend juan carlos. his cousin was having a baby shower and i was cordially invited to ALL of the festivities :) we spent all morning/afternoon saturday making little finger foods, using waaaay too many toothpicks, running errands around the city, etc. his family was soooo nice, housing me, feeding me, making sure i participated in all the festivites. the party was good fun, a lil awkward at first until....jc's mom busted out the baby bottles filled with beer. so the game is 2 people chugging sweet cerveza as fast as posible, which is actually pretty hard as you might imagine. can we take a moment to laugh out loud together? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ok, so this game pretty much shattered the ice and the rest of the night was spent dancing and eating and dancing some more.

as for the farm/internship update. been working 3 hours on the farm in the morning and spending the afternoons working on my research. i have been really grateful for the people i am living with here. lately its been just us mujeres, that being MT, sandra, y cristina.
my favorite part of the day is our leisurely morning breakfasts, eating and talking about everything and anything. its especially nice to have their supportive energy as i begin my research/project regarding women in mindo. its looking like i will focus on domestic violence, as this seems to be one of the most pressing concerns as well as the most invisible. the marriage of alcoholism and sexism (both prevalent here) is the absolute worst combination, and women suffer immensely for it. been really struggling lately with all the limitations of my situation here. i have barely any time to scratch the surface, to build relationships, to learn something about the community, and i am supposed to do this giant research project. there is also the fact that i am a foreigner which will necessarily affect all of my interactions and the way i am perceived and perceive this reality. i know though that if i factor all of this into the equation that is my project i cant go too wrong.

ramble ramble ramble. my hands hurt from typing. loooove you.
l

p.s. ok seriously, pics soon