third times a blog

i always thought i would know exactly what to say, what to do, at least do something...anything. a few days ago i was sexually assualted for the third time, by a man, in the middle of the street, when i was walking with a group of friends. its as if when his hands grabbed me they took my voice with them. i had no words, not in english and certainly not in spanish. in that instant i couldnt believe someone would grab me there on purpose, it was a mistake. it must have been an accident. 2 seconds later, i realize that was definitely not an accident and i am furious and confused but the man is gone. i promised myself i would never be silent, but how can i have words or actions in a moment where a complete strange is violating the temple of my soul. i am writing about it now because i think its really important to talk about together, important for all of us to share our experiences, to challenge. the idea that any women in practically any part of the world is less safe than a man (and/or more vulnerable to sexual assault) is a ridiculously normalized collective understanding. my body is not something that is accessible to grab, it is not an object, it is not available for consumption. and yet over and over and over we make excuses, that it was just some asshole--a bad apple, or that it was HER fault because she wasnt covering her entire body. i met an indian lady the other day who told me about how when she was barely 10 men would push her of her bike in the street and touch her. she would go home crying but all her mother would do is say im sorry. we cannot continue making excuses and allowing this behavior to be acceptable. and what i am to do? someone who believes whole-heartedly that peace is every step--when i want to beat the shit out of people who do things like this, to me, to young girls. i still dont know how to react when i am personally faced with these situations. and if it happens again i will probably be just as speechless. but im not going to stop doing what i do, that would be another way of allowing this to continue. i will continue to travel, to walk alone when i want to, i will not stay in the house all day like so many women i have met to keep away from the harrassment (i do not blame them), the patriarchy. i wish we could realize that all of these things are a similar struggle. that when i am sexually assaulted, it is as much an isolated situation with a jerk as it is intimately tied to the objectification of womens bodies in the media and pornography, domestic violence, dowry murders, sexist jokes, and the fact that women in america are still not paid equal wages for equal work. it has permeated so much of our vision that we are nearly blind to it. i feel so much pain for the suffering in the world and yet under it all, all i can do is love love love. i know that these men are suffering too.

phew. i feel better now. currently i am in cuenca but not in the mood to blog about all that now, another day. thanks for listening :)

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it. "