Tuesday, July 28, 2009

An outpouring of self, a world of profit and patriarchy, a rough draft, another world vision

Wow. Yesterday we went to a women's court called "India Court of Women on Dowry and Related Forms of Violence against Women." My eyes and heart were ripped open to the suffering of millions of women around the world, but particuarly in south asia. I had heard of dowry deaths (actually murders) and knew a bit about it, but had absolutely no idea that violence and deaths have been increasing rapidly since the early 90s due to increasing commodification and value of profit over people. Dowry has become a way for a man and his family to increase their economic status, making the idea of "wife" and "marriage" into an economic, profit-maximizing endeavor. Some of the bravest women I have ever seen stood up yesteray to finally have their voices heard. An auditorium of hundreds of people sat all day just to listen. Listen to stories of intense brutality, deaths, torture, lies--things that have become so normalized that they aren't even shocking to the public or so common that they make no sound. Women are often burned by their husbands or in-laws in what is labeled by police as a "stove burst" or "kitchen accident" after which the husband can remarry another woman for another dowry.

It's really difficult to sum up the day, and certainly only your presence there would do justice to such an incredible experience.
Here is an article about the court.
http://sify.com/news/fullstory.php?a=jh2t4dbgcca&title=Bangalore_dowry_court_hears_harrowing_stories_demands_stringent_law
And here is the website for the courts of women:
www.vimochana.in/blog

Anyways, as I sat there a fire was ignited (or reignited) perhaps within me. I felt so incredibly at home with such amazingly strong women. The historic oppression of women and its tight grip on the world today continually blows my mind. Sometimes the situation seems so hopeless, but it is AMAZING how many people are working around the world for justice and equality. Like Anu was saying, the greater the oppression the harder and more passionately people are fighting back. I had a feeling yesterday, that I must work for the rights of women. I cannot do anything else, I cannot live my life any other way. This is pretty incredible for me because I have been feeling pulled in a million directions for my whole life but this seems so clear. As I sat there I began spilling out all the things in my heart and this is what came out...

why should i not be crying
when my sisters around the globe are being sold as commodities--a slave for an awaiting husband and family.

why should i not be crying
when a girl of age 9 is sewn up again to be "pure" for an awaiting customer.

why should i not be crying
when the woman who claws her way up to leadership is beaten down by an entire nation,
when we live in a world where violence against women is so normalized that everywhere we go we must be afraid of being beaten or raped,
when a beautiful baby girl is murdered because the burden of a female-a dowry, is too great for a family to bare,
when my brothers are learning through pornography that women are objects--trashcans for the disposal of waste in the forms of violence, aggression, and objectification.

why should i not be crying
when my body is commodified, objectified, packaged, sold to greedy eyes, used and abused by media everywhere.
when people i love the most mark my pain as an overreaction, my passion simply the product of a far too "liberal, feminist" education (the daggers cut too deep for words to embody)

why should we not be crying!?!
because within a world of such pain and suffering there STILL exists hope.
why should we not be crying
to rejoice in the unity and solidarity we have created amongst so much fragmentation.

listen to our tears,
tears that hold light in a world gripped by darkness.
LISTEN, and you will hear the power to burn out injustice and inequality forever.


"I am a woman offering 2 flowers whose roots are twin hope and justice. Let us begin"
-Alice Walker

Monday, July 27, 2009

Culture shockin' in the Garden City

What an amazingly epic journey from north to south. I took a 48 hour train from Varanasi to Bangalore. My lovely friend Shiva accompanied me to the train station, which was very nice considering it was late and I didn't know where I was going.

Let me just say, I am so in love with India. I particularly love train rides. I brought 2 large books but only red about 4 pages throughout the entire journey. I boarded the train late Friday night and managed to find my lower birth amongst the tiers of snoring men. One guy woke up and was assisting me, giving advice about where to put my bags and asking about me. Most people don't like the lower birth because it is shared space during the day time compared to the solitude of the upper birth. I love it because at night I can look behind my head and watch the stars dance by. I made many new friends on the train, mostly older business men. I managed to teach them how to play sudoku (kind of) and we had a tournament! We also talked about everything...my life, their life, womens rights, food, religion. They bought me loads of chai and we had a lovely time. I found myself smiling and laughing the whole way to Bangalore. 48 hours wasn't 48 hours at all, but a timeless space of joy and contentment--a moment that embodied something a crazy yoga teacher once said, "no aversion, no grasping."

I managed to make it to the hostel late last night and met my roommates. Strange, I had some pretty weird culture shock being around other Americans in the south of India, which has a very different feel than the north.
I must admit, I miss the healing winds and holy waters of the Ganga (among all the beautiful people I have met along the way) but I know Bangalore holds another kind of beauty.

Today was the first day of our program, a bit of a shock to my brain. I was assigned a hypothetical research assignment and have been exploring a particular neighborhood here in Bangalore. I will write more when I get the chance!

Muuuuuuah,
lala

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The sun, my heart




An offering of love




Full eclipse, speechless


The best view in the world


Varanasi is a magical place


Paharganj lovin

Wow, what a day! Arrived in Varanasi early yesterday morning where our friend Tarun picked us up. We rested for a bit, as I hadn't slept all night on the train, and stumbled into the holy city. After wandering through narrow alleyways, the river Ganga revealed herself magically to me. I walked along the ghats in a blissful trance. It was quiet, only the wind and the leaves whispered softly (and the guys trying to scam me into going somewhere and buying some thing :) ).

Last night we met a lovely man named Shiva who offered to take us out on his boat this morning--just what we were looking for! We got up at 4 to make our way to the river, meet up with Shiva, and set sail. The sky was cloudy, but as the sun began to rise the clouds parted for one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Slowly the sun hid behind the moon, and as the last bit of sun disappeared, people began yelling and praying! Thousands of people on the shore prayed and bathed and prayed--even Shiva who said he had seen a hundred eclipses was stunned and began praying. I am told that many people believe God is in trouble when there is an eclipse. Time hung in the air as the darkness enveloped us all, and all I could do was smile.

Holding you in my heart,
Laurina

p.s. check this out http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/India/Centurys-longest-total-solar-eclipse-begins/articleshow/4805367.cms

Monday, July 20, 2009

Organized chaos, unified movement

Paharaganj, backpacker central of Delhi
Flowing near Manali

I never thought we would actually get here

Eating my mango scraps, as I took this picture I realized he and I were sitting in the exact same position... :)
What we were up against all week in Rishikesh, they throw the colorful strutures into the Ganges and apparently indulge in many mind-altering substances *wink* (which explains a lot, and really eases my mind about these men, considering how horribly we were treated)

Arrived yesterday in Delhi again after an interesting week in Rishikesh. We didn't get the peaceful spiritual experience like everyone says, but then again, absolutely nothing here is ever what you expect. It's really quite wonderful actually, expecting that things will be difficult/confusing/completely opposite what people say. Then, when it's easy it's a pleasant surprise. Trying to get south to Bangalore has been quite the task. After many travel agents, hours online, and multiple trips to the train I have a train ticket. Should be very interesting being on a train for 2 days, I am excited to have this experience.

I've decided to take back my statement about India's driving being insane. Upon first experience, it does seem pretty ridiculous. After spending a bit of time here I've found that it is actually quite the opposite. Cars drive within inches of eachother, so in tune with eachother's movement that there are no crashes (that I have seen yet). People, rickshaws, cars, dogs, all move like a wave to the beat of a very distant, but deeply familar beat. The best way I can put it into words is the title of this post, although I'm sure on long train rides to come I will figure out a better way. Just trying to convey a little piece of what it feels like here.
Love you all very much!
Laurita

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Transforming frustration...(and pictures, in no particular order ;) )


Bathing in the Ganges


Rishikesh



View from our room


Crazy in the train station after a loong journey


Manali



Puja at the Dalai Lama's temple, a day of world prayer


Dalai Lama's birthday bash


Ellie or Dalai? hmm...


Rudy and the holy Ganga


Combine:
1 yoga class
2 amazing women
1 four hour long breakfast/lunch
3 games of shithead (card game, simmer down) with 1 new friend
2 amazing books (try Dwellings by Linda Hogan and Like Water for Chocolate by Laura something...)
Sprinkle with loads and loads of laughing.

As I believe I mentioned in the previous post, it's been a little hectic here in Rishikesh...a place we came to because we heard it is the exact opposite--calm, peaceful, etc. Walking out on the street is nearly impossible, and if I do I am bombarded by hundreds of men yelling things at me, taking pictures of me, trying to impress eachother by playing a game of "who can be the most forward to the white chick on her own." It feels like a football game to the extreme 24/7. I figured out that if I attach myself to an Indian woman and hide behind her as I walk, no one bothers me too much. I don't like feeling frustrated, but then again I can't be too hard on myself and I can't imagine not being.

At the same time, it's not really okay for me to want them not to be here. It's not my country, not my tradition, not my Shiva's month celebration. So this morning as we tried to cross the bridge but physically could not because of all the people, I decided that the best thing to do is find out as much information about what is happening here and try and understand.

We are going to try and leave here on Sunday, but things are never as one plans/expects. Trying to get here was almost impossible, leaving should be quite interesting. We'll attempt to make it onto a train to Delhi, and then to Varanasi for the eclipse. After that will be a totally different experience, my study abroad program in Bangalore! We will be learning about social justice activism. I have a feeling it will be a bit less intense to live there, and I am excited to meet my groupmates and have a lot of time/space to learn about things I am most passionate about. I am grateful to have been able to come out early, see a lot of northern India, and have time to reflect, read, and get acquainted with lovely India.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Damp shoes, damp hearts

Last night we began our journey from Manali to Rishikesh...we made the mistake of taking someone's advice about an "easy" way to get there, and ended up taking one very long bus that shook the life out of me and bruised my knees. Then we hopped on a train, well I suppose pushed and shoved is a better word. Then we ended up in a train station in Ambala (sp?) with soooo many people all wearing orange that liked to circle us wherever we went. After asking about 10 people which platform the train would be we took the average of the anwers and figured it would be at platform 2. We waited and the crowd grew. As the train came closer people started to stir, push, yell, clap. The train pulled up and the blood bath began! It was already packed full, people hanging out the windows and doors and still hundreds more trying to get in! It was incredible, there was no way would be able to get on...so we said to hell with this we will try and get a taxi. That is always quite interesting, we had a circle of men following us around until we finally found a guy with a car to take us to Rishikesh! Now, apparently this month is Shiva's month and there is a massive pilgrimmage/celebration? happening here in Haridwar and Rishikesh. This meant the roads were blocked and people were everywhere. Somehow the driver paid off the police and we got a little bit closer to where we wanted to be. We paid our driver and began the trek to find a place to sleep. Because of the massive spiritual gathering, there were men in orange (Shiva's color, I think) walking in packs shouting and laughing at us and yelling things...and THEN it started to rain. It rained so hard. All we could do was laugh and laugh with our lack of sleep, hunger, and exhaustion. It was then that we realized we had walked a long way in the wrong direction. So we turned around, everyone still laughing at the soaking white women, and made our way to the Ganges. We cross the holy river as the storm started to pick up--the footbridge began to shake! From there it was another 5k of helplessly wandering until we made it to some guesthouse. Everything I own is wet, except for my passport (which I cleverly put in a ziploc for exactly such times). There isn't enough room at the guesthouse for the 3 of us all to have a bed, so you know what that means?? PILLOWFIGHT!!!

On a completely different note, I've been thinking a lot about gender, especially during 14 hour sleepless bus rides. Being a man or woman (or being perceived as one in a gender binary) is, of course, a very different experience wherever one is in the world. It is definitely interesting being a white woman in India.
It blows my mind that is so universally accepted that women are less safe than men. We can't go out late at night, can't walk alone, can't trust many men. My head spins, what is the root of all of this? WHY is there so much gender-based violence? Why should I be afraid of rape as woman but almost never as a man? Why is there this notion that my body is something another person is entitled to? Can we not see that this is such an obvious manifestation of really serious and deep inequality? I am trying really hard not to perpetuate or participate in stereotypes about men but I honestly feel I am respected very little. Perhaps this is because I am an American woman and there are many ideas about us. Of course I don't have the answers. I try and find a reason for the way things are, but the deeper I dig the more empty my hands become.

Well, today was a really rough day, but we had a nice dinner and I know I will sleep very well. I am really grateful to be sharing this experience with two lovely women who I can laugh a lot with. Laughing is very important.

Humbly,
Laura

p.s. being with no Americans, my accent is starting to sound reeaally weird....perhaps I'll come back with a Polish/English/American fusion, hmmm

p.p.s. pictures tomorrow? perhaps, if the gods of technology allow ;)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Good morning Manali!

Got to Manali around 4:30 this morning, I was pretty sure that we wouldn't find any place open but we met a very nice man named Gudu who drove us out of the city and to the loveliest of guesthouses in Old Manali. It was still dark so we couldn't really see where we were going but he made us some chai and we watched the sunrise from the rooftop. We soon found that we were surrounded by apple trees, mountains, and giggling birds. I spent the day wandering around, visiting some temples, having some clothes made for me:) I really wanted to go walking through the hills today--Gudu said it's totally safe, "No problem at all", but I had a feeling he thinks it's no problem because he is a man. I ended up talking to a couple different women and the consensus was that it's not the best idea to go alone. Tomorrow we will trek!

I think I just uploaded some photos, they might be somewhere on this blog...hmm.

MUAH,
lala

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

An urgent message home :)

Hello lovely friends and family. I am still here in McLeod Ganj (Upper Dharamsala) and will be leaving for Manali this evening. I have had a really lovely, relaxing, and mind-blowing first week in India. There was an insane hail storm today which trapped us in our favorite restaurant, forced to have a traditional Tibetan massage, eat cake, and play cards...it was really rough.

I sometimes don't even know where to begin explaining all the wonderful things I am learning. The most profound thing so far is learning about the situation in Tibet. As you may know, the Chinese invaded Tibet in 1949, and in 1959 the Dalai Lama fled to Dharamsala. Since then, many Tibetans have taken refuge in India seeking safety and freedom. I have been volunteering with an organization that provides many resources for Tibetan refugees, one of the most important being English classes. I am always hesitant volunteering somewhere only for short periods of time, as oftentimes one becomes much more of a burden than a help, and just leaves with a few photos and a narrow understanding. When we found out that we could volunteer in the English conversation class, it seemed like a wonderful opportunity to meet people, learn, and actually be a bit useful. So that's what we have been doing, and it has been so incredible. All the people I have talked to just want to return home, be with their family, and be free to live as they choose. This has been made impossible by the Chinese invasion and many, many people are suffering. I feel incredibly lucky to meet so many wonderful people. A monk today told me about how much he trusts the American government to ensure human rights and democracy all over the world. I almost began to cry but instead just smiled with so many conflicting emotions inside. I know I have a lot to learn and much more work to do in this world.

I feel like I want to stay longer, do more, but I have decided that the first step I can take is just to talk to everyone I know and pass on the story of so many Tibetans I have spoken with. I promised each person I met that I will carry their message with me wherever I go.
In so much suffering I am deeply inspired by the smiles I continue to see. I was reading the other day, in a book called Fragrant Palm Leaves by Thich Nhat Hanh, about how he saw someone smile so deeply and so lovingly. He said that only someone who has suffered greatly could smile like that. How beautiful, how absolutely unimaginable that there exists joy in a world of such suffering.

Alas, I have uploaded pictures to the computer but this blog refuses to allow them! Well, imagine the most humbly beautiful thing you have seen, smile deeply, and perhaps that might feel something like the pictures.

Besos y abrazos,
Laurita

p.s. there are no accidents or coincidences :)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Well hello there Dolly.....Dalia LAMA!!!

Wow, where to even begin...
So I had a reeally long journey to Delhi, 3 flights and one night in the Bangkok airport. Let me tell you one thing about the airport in Bangkok, there are giant speakers everywhere where obnoxious voices announce things in English that I can't understand, all night long. And fluorescent lights that never dim...and I got locked in a gate with no water or bathroom hahaha. It's a pretty awkward airport, but I cuddled up in my sleeping back and read my book for the night. The next morning I flew into Delhi and thankfully found Ellie with ease! We hopped in a cab and proceeded to try and find the apartment we would be staying at that night, and after about stopping 7 times to ask random people on the street for directions we found it. Allie was already there, so nice to see her smiling face. No time to sleep when Delhi awaits, so we got a ride into the city to check out some markets. I bought some clothes and drooled a lot at all of the beautiful things. It's strange that I didn't really experience any kind of culture shock (or even jet lag). Everything seemed really natural...the interesting array of smells, the cows in the street, the crazy driving, the half-built everything. I felt like I had been there before (maybe that's because I read so much about it hahaha...or perhaps I lived here in a life past). We had a lovely evening and crashed early. The next day we organized our stuff and began planning our next move. Ellie and I decided we wanted to head north right away, all the way up to McLeod Ganj which is just a little north of Dharamsala. Oh and the bus ride!! 14 hours through the night in what felt like a constant wooden rollercoaster. It wasn't bad at all though, and I noticed a kind of intimacy with such kind of travel. Everyone jammed in a bus, being jostled around, hopelessly trying to find some position that allows for sleep. Limbs seemed to be everywhere, people sleeping in the aisles, somehow someones hair would tickle my feet or a sleeping hand would graze my knee, twas a beautiful thing. I didn't sleep a wink but I enjoyed laying there. And another thing that happened...I was seated under the air conditioner, which was apparently broken and periodically shot water out at me. So those of us lucky enough to be under the wretched machine had to take cover--Ellie busted out her rain coat that we hide under for most of the trip.
The sun began to rise just as we caught sight of the Himalayas. They are absolutely breath-taking. I couldn't help but smile (even though I was a little car sick) the whole way there. We arrived where I am now about about 730 this morning. McLeod Ganj is really beautiful. The people are very nice and there are many Tibetan refugees living here now (one of which is the DALAI LAMA...who is in town but not available, so I think I'll send him a text later so we can have some chai together, I think he misses me). Tonight we are all going to a English conversation group with some monks to help them learn the language. Then are going to a yoga class and THEN to a pizza/documentary partay. The films look really good and I am excited. I am so excited that I can't even sleep although I haven't slept in many, many hours. I also think I will do a little trek through the mountains either tomorrow or the next day. It is SO beautiful here!!! Oh and did I mention the Himalayas are a stone's throw away? I can taste them.

Well that's all for now, perhaps I can post photos sometime soon.

All o' my hugs, all o' my kisses,
Laura